It's not good after all this time remember that night. Is only going to make that the acceptance and consequences are more difficult to accept. At the same time reflecting is a exercise that I need to do, no matter what kind of bad feeling I can feel.
All it was very strange, irrational and understandable. My acts were from other person that It was no thinking properly and lost control. I was under the effect of something, not drugs, but any new adaptation that I was madding to a process that started months before.
Until that moment they where many nights that I was sleeping not properly. I was awakening tired because I was in bed but I didn't have the proper rest.Various days, weeks in this behavior tired us and the body and mind starts not function naturally. The body reacts in ways that can be a surprise for us and for others.
In conclusion, in that night I lost control because of a process that I started months before. I was wrong advice and the result was that I lost control and I hurt someone very important to me.
Off course when that happen you cannot expect that the problem simple disappear and everything is forgiven. What you should do is reflect in what happen and try always, but always learn and never again committee the same mistake.
However, that didn't happen to me. Or I have not done that. Instead I only make the situation worst with a behavior of a needy person, someone immature, selfish, that could not control emotions, respect space and time and much worst, continue to hurt that person so much important to me.
Much time have pass since that night. A lot of changes already occurred. Some I know what they are and mean, others not quite. Because I know what I changed in me with all what happen. Although, I don't know what changed in the person that I love.
In conclusion, in that night it was not me that were present in that space and made that horrible thing. Since then I had a lots of moments of weakness and with my behavior I just put things worst. However, at the moment I am conscious of my mistakes and I am living with them. I don't have other choice...
In this moment what is important for me is to be good and happy and at the same time that the person is also. Accepting life as she is and learn from all of this. But I need to say, whatever happens in the future I still have hope about my desire for the future. I believe in true love and especially in the destiny. Sometimes I just ask if it was not really necessary that happen in that night for me open my eyes finally. Time will tell
