Some words cannot express the feelings that we have inside us. Actually, I would say that the words will never be enough to express the feelings that the human body feels. This, what we call emotions, is something to much complex to express in words. Is something that happens in the brain and that one is the human organ that mankind less know about. Is the organ where everything happens. Is the organ that give us the feeling that we are alive. Is the organ where we feel love, hate, pain, joy, insecurity and much more feelings.
But today I want to talk about love. The powerful feeling that give us the strength to feel life with more excitement and is a reason for us to change completely the way that we are. Is a feeling more difficult to understand and explain then the brain, because is not physical but is something that we all feel inside us. Never no one saw, but everyone felt.
We feel different kind of love. The love that we feel for our family is not the same that we feel for our friends or people that we simple know. Then exist the love that we can consider special, unique and transformative. The love that we feel exclusively for a person that is also unique in the way that make our body react when we are near to that person.
Because I am heterosexual I will talk about the woman's and the type of love that they make me feel. But with all the respect for the community LGBT, I do not consider in any way that the feeling is different. After all, we are made from the same material.
Love is a transformation. Starts to be a feeling that originate in the brain and express himself for the rest of the body in a chemistry of emotions. The scholars would explain the love in the perspective of evolution. The romantics will understand in the idea of how the emotions can be express, for example, in words forgetting the the scientific theory.
Although, each one of us have a different definition of what is love. Because we are going to explain what we think what is love based in our experience. In other words, what for some of us love can be a big reason of happiness for others can be a reason of suffering. The greatness about love is that the same can happen in a infinite number of times. Because love is infinite, or is finite? Is that what I am trying to understand!
I still remember the first time that I thought that I felt love inside me. At first it was scary. It was something that I never felt before and because of that scared me. I didn't know what to do, how to react or not act. I simple understand that when I was near of that woman my body started to feel different: nervous, not knowing what to do, or what to say and some times I felt shame. However, at the same time I had a strong need to catch the attention of that woman. I wanted to be near her. Talk with her. Touch her. Smell her. Kiss her. Hug her. I don't know! Do everything with her! Since I started feeling that way my world completely changed and I didn't care about nothing else.
With time and accordingly I was getting older, I learn that love is a complement for life and not everything. Because if love is everything, what starts to be a beautiful fairy tail, can become a nightmare.
I don't want to say that love is a nightmare, by the contrary. Is the best thing that can happen to someone. But love have another side and the way that each one of us deal with that side is the reason because I spoke in nightmare. In my life I just felt, what I consider the real love two times. To be real and honest, right now I can say that it was only one time. I say this because the feelings where so different and because of a new love I changed my idea.
In the first time, it was a long relationship with a lot of ups and downs. But it was working, during that certain point that you assume a compromise. You make plans. Most important you cannot imagine your world without that person that you consider at the time, I consider my your soul matte.
However, didn't work. Like everything that have a beginning also had a end. My problem was how I deal with that. It was not the best way. I started knowing a new self that lost control, enter in despair and have done a lot of crazy things. I mean a lot of crazy things that I don't want to remember...
It was hard. I needed years to heal myself from that experience and to find myself again. It was so hard that the time that I needed to recover it was lost time in life that I never will recover again. It was a time that started for me to be a reason to not believing in love anymore and I thought that I was never fall in love again.
But I was wrong, and after a decade I found love again. In a different way, in a different country, in a different citie. But I found it. Unconsciously it happen so fast and it was so deep that at some moments I was not believing that it deserved to feel like that again.
The way that happen it was in a modern way. But what it was more interesting is that after two hours I met this woman I already felt that she was my soul matte. Because of the way she speak, the way that she think, the way that she talk, the way she smell, the way she move, the way she look at me, because of the eyes, the way she was clever, the way that she fight for life, her independence, her experience, her kindness, her determination, her creativeness, her education, her big heart, her dedication and especially her sincerity. In other words I just and simple felt that I found what was true love.
Nonetheless, after some time I discover that problems that I thought that I solve in myself many years ago where still present, and worst, I never accept my biggest challenge and problem: I am sick. I am not a normal person because my brain don't work in the way that persons are normally use to see in one person. Because of that I need to be more aware of things and avoid certain things.
In the end it was not a matter of time, of behavior or whatever. The problem, once again it was me. It was myself not assuming that I needed to be careful and not be have shame of my sickness. I should embraced her and live with her without shame. It is the only way for me to be complete and happy. Unfortunately, I did some of the same mistakes when the relationship end, but it was not so crazy like the last time. I learn that fortunately I grownup and I became more mature and because I really love that person I didn't wanted to harm her. Although, my stupidity make me do wrong acts that maybe only cause that she change the idea of me and keep her away from me. The truth is that I will never love again like this in my life. I just simple know it. Yeah I know you can say whatever you want, but my feeling are only mine and because of that just me understand me.
In conclusion, love is not easy. It can be a path of two directions.One of them id happiness that never ends, the other a period where we loose all the conscience of life and we act very wrong. But in the end love is experience and learning. With which new experience of love we learn always something new. but with my experience I can say that I will never love the same way again. My love it was a melody that I broke and right now I don't know if I can fix it. However I just say to the people that read this post, don't be afraid of love, because love is everything and in the end, after the period of grief, you will always became a better person. But that don't mean that you stop love the person in cause.
